Fears of WAR (Scare Alert)!

June 20, 2008 – 1:31 pm

Brokain of Ten Ton Hammer wrote a fun little piece about several What If’s in WAR. What if Orcs had feelings? What if Chosen were selected by public vote a la American Idol? What if the Black Guard was a crafting-only class?

Since its Friday and you all deserve to have a little fun this weekend, I decided to extend his piece by asking: What if the different classes of WAR had phobias?

Here’s my list! The ones in bold comprise my personal Top 10!

Greenskins

Black Orc - RubixCubeophobia - Fear that even though they are more intelligent than common greenskins, they can still be proven as not very smart
Choppa - Ginsuphobia - Fear of any fine Japanese steel that can slice and/or dice better than they can
Shaman - Waaughophobia - Fear of commonly misspelled catch-phrases
Squig Herder - Fecalphobia - Fear of having to clean up after all his pets

Dwarfs

Ironbreaker - Anemiaphobia - Fear that one day, he may be deficient of iron to break
Hammerer - 90sHipHopophobia - Fear of parachute pants and the “Stop! Hammer Time” dance
Runepriest - GeorgeRRMartinophobia - Fear of writer’s block - Seriously dude, hurry up!
Engineer - AI-phobia - Fear that one day his contraptions will develop minds of their own and take over the Old World

Chaos

Chosen - Farmophobia - Fear of ravenous herds of goats
Marauder - ChaosTheoryphobia - Fear that he may mutate into a cutesy, flopsy bunny
Zealot - Necrophiliaphobia - Fear that he may be tempted to use the skull he carries around for some darker purpose…
Magus - Rejectophobia - Fear that he just wouldn’t be as cool without the disc

Empire

Knight of the Blazing Sun - LaLuneophobia - Fear that once the sun sets, so wanes his mad skillz… and the French
Witch Hunter - Hughphobia - Fear that one day Hugh Jackman will come around and take his look back
Warrior-Priest - Rogaineophobia - Fear that he may lose even more hair, and since he’s already bald, it won’t be coming from up top
Bright Wizard - Hydrophobia - Fear of moistness, dampness, and water in general for obvious reasons… it makes his ‘fro way too frizzy and unmanageable

Dark Elves

Blackguard - Desaturateophobia - Fear of one day going colour blind… making his job WAY more difficult
Witch Elf - Brasilophobia - Fear of weekly jungle maintenance; the price she must pay for dressing so scantily
Disciple of Khaine - Meaniephobia - Fear of being called names like Vlad the Impostor and Count Suckula by his peers
Sorceror - FocusFireophobia - Fear of being the squishiest target in the vicinity

High Elves

Swordmaster - Auzziephobia - Fear of running into Crocodile Dundee and being taunted with “You call that a knife!?”
White Lion - Plasmaphobia - Fear of blood because the stains are a nightmare to wash out of your fur
Archmage - Schitzophobia - Fear of multiple personality disorders… I’m a mage! I’m a healer! I’m confuzzled!
Shadow-Warrior - Agoraphobia - Fear of going outside without a Michael Jacksonesque frilly face veil

Any favorites? Any others you can think of? Here’s some more phobia inspiration!